Monday, September 2, 2013
Well, I have come to another bend in the road or train tracks as the case may be. This transition has felt long and then very, very quick. For months it felt like everything was saying. "wait for it, wait for it, just wait for it..." and then all of a sudden BAM! it came and happened.
I am traveling an old yet new road. I have come back to my hometown. I am surrounded by familiar faces of friends and family but there is also a lot of new. I am back to sharing a house with roommates for a season. I didn't meet these girls until the day I moved in. So we are just getting to know each other. I am heading back to school to a brand new program. As far as I know I do not know any of the people I am going to be in class with. I have a sneaking suspicion though that one of my instructors is the mother of a boy I went to elementary school with. There are some familiar faces at church but there are a lot of new people whom I have never met before.
I have had a lot of people ask me how I have felt during this transition and it has been a hard question to answer. I have felt like I have felt every emotion possible and all of them very intensely. I have felt grief over leaving friends who have really become family behind even though I know I will see them again. I have felt anxiousness over if I have made the right decision or if I just should have stayed where I was. I have felt anticipation/excitement/fear/panic as look ahead to really what is a lot of unknown. And I have tried not to spend to much time trying to figure out what this new season is going to bring and just take things as they come. I am so very thankful that now as my move is finished and I am slowly unpacking and I have had two really good nights of sleep, I feel peace. I feel God's presence with me. I still don't have all my questions answered but I have peace and hope and I know that He is with me.
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
OK, this post is going to be a bit of a confession time, so please just bear with me as I sort this out and let you in on some personal processing. And, if you are wondering who the question in the title is directed, don't worry, all fingers are squarely pointed at moi.
I have had it clearly revealed to me that I am a good hearer but not necessarily a good doer.
You see a few weeks ago at SHOP the Lord brought the above verses to mind. They come at the end of the sermon on the mount and Jesus is basically saying, "Don't just let your ears be tickled by what I have spoken to you, don't just say, "Oh cool!" and then walk away. But DO what it is you hear me tell you. ACTUALLY set your heart to do the things I have just taught you. If you do so, your life will be built on a solid foundation and when the storms come, you will be stable because you know Me and you are living in agreement with me. But if you don't DO what I am saying, then when the storms come you will be shaken to the core and your life will fall apart."
Well, I read those verses wrote down some thoughts similar to what I just wrote above, then said "Oh cool, thanks for the revelation!", closed my journal and bible and then walked away. I didn't ask if there was anything thing in my life He was trying to adjust or bring attention to, I didn't pray through the sermon on the mount to see if there was something else He would say. I heard but didn't do anything about it.
Then a couple of weeks ago at SHOP Holy Spirit grab my attention even more drastically. I won't go into all the details but part of what He said to me was, "You hear Me but you do not listen to Me. You are hearing My voice but you are not stepping into what I am saying to you." Oh, that made my heart stop.I am not talking about not listening to His call to do some great, huge work or even the stuff in the sermon on the mount (though I know I probably need to look at that again). I am saying not listening when I hear His voice whisper and say, "turn off that T.V. show and come and spend some time with Me or stop surfing the Internet or playing that computer game, I have something I want to show you in My word, or lets go for a walk and pray about ____________". The things that seem little but mean the most. He even brought to mind times when I have asked, "Lord, why don't you speak to me more?" and then showed my heart all the times He has spoken to me and I have just said, "Later" but later never comes.
I was grieved to see the extent my heart had dulled and gone as far down this road as I have in these last few months. I am very grateful for Abba's love and that He stopped me right in my tracks where I was and disciplined me. Now, discipline is never comfortable or pleasant BUT it is true that the Father disciplines those He loves. So it was out of His great love for me that He caused me to see rightly. He is giving me yet another chance to put first things first and when I hear His voice (which I am thankful He was saying I still do) to stop what I am doing and pay attention to and DO what He is saying.
I am sure I will still not do this perfectly 100% of the time, but I am not letting this opportunity go by and I am setting my heart to say 'YES' again and I am setting my heart and asking for His help to be quicker to respond to the things that I hear Him saying.